Cake vs. Pie

Cake =/= pie. We all know one is greater then the other, but for years, it has been debated which. The time has come to end this war.

First up, we have to define and simplify each of the competitors. Lets start with cake.

The basic base of a cake, the part that is the generalized "cake" of cake, is made of sugar, butter and eggs. Simple. The rest of the recipe is all optional, and changes from cake to cake. So, here we go. To simplify cake to a workable form:

(Cake) = (Egg) + (Sugar) + (Butter)

Egg = Unfertilized chicken, surrounded by a hard shell.
This can be simplified as "Bastard Chicken that never was"

Sugar = Edible crystaline structures, usually in the form of a fine powder.
This can be simplified as "Yummy rocks"

Butter = Liquid found in a Bovine species, created to sustain a youngster, that is agitated greatly until it becomes this semi-solid.
This can be simplified as "Jiggled cow baby-food"

So, here is what we know so far:

Cake = (Bastard Chicken child that never was) + (Yummy rocks) + (Jiggled Cow baby-food)

When all of these ingredients are added together, you get:

A slightly sticky goo, that, when tossed into a medium of oxidized materials that are limiting light, energy and gases in the right amount, will magically grow bigger and become a fully fledged solid.

This can be simplified as "Goo that gets bigger".

So, (Goo that gets bigger) = Cake.

Therefore,

Goo that gets bigger =/= Pie.

WONDERFUL. Onward to the definition of Pie.

Pie and pi sound the same, therefore they must be equal.

Pi, as we all know, is equal to 3.141592. This is symbolized as a little outhouse or something.

Therefore, Pie = a little outhouse. As such, it follows

A goo that gets bigger =/= a little outhouse.

Now it's time for a little algebraical stuff. Everyone who has flipped through a algebra book knows it's all about counting letters and shit. So lets count up the little letters.

2a, 4g, 2o, 3t, h, 2e, s, b, i, r =/= a, 2l, 2i, 3t, 2e, 2o, 2u, h, s.

Now then, as we can see, we can immediately rule out a few numbers for having to do with the inequality. There are two e's on both sides, so we rule them out. 2 o's, one h and one s as well. Finally, 3 t's from both sides. So, we are left with

2a, 4g, b, i, r =/= a, 2l, 2i, 2u.

Now we just have to determine how much each each letter is worth, add up both sides, and we will have the final answer. How much is a letter worth? That's easy!

It's so obvious, I don't know why mathematicians are always so confused over it. Obviously, each letter is equal to how many letters it is from the beginning! A = 1, B = 2, etc! It's so obvious! How has no one thought of this?!

As such, we come up with the following:

1 + 1 + 7 + 7 + 7 + 7 + 2 + 9 + 18 =/= 1 + 12 + 12 + 9 + 9 + 21 + 21

This equals 59 =/= 85

This is quickly and easily simplified into 59 < 85

And so, after long amounts of research and flawless, highly skilled math, none of which could possibly be wrong, I give you our conclusion.

A goo that gets bigger = 59.

A little outhouse = 85

Therefore

Cake = 59

Pie = 85

And finally, therefore, the ultimate conclusion:

Cake < Pie